y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
