just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
