i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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