I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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