# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
