Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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