how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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