Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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