so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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