I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
this is an emotional support booty call
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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