What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
