Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
