I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
