my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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