I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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