and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
