Already got asked if we're dating
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
