I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
