I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
