3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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