Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You pole danced in your parka.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
