shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
