So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
