so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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