Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize