Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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