I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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