There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
