you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
