A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
