So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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