he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
