I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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