I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize