You made me cry and you don't even care
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
