i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
