# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
