Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
