He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
