dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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