He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
