i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My vagina is officially offended.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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