I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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