We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
