White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
