I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
