is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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