Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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