Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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