are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
