i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
