omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize