eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
