Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
