I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
