Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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