At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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