i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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