Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
