I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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