I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
