She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
