Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
