I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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