There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
