Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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