I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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