My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
