I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize