Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
