Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
