So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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