hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
