id be glad to
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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