Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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