I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
