i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
