so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
