its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
