Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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